Don't freak Out

Dear Beautiful, Strong, Amazeballs body,
I'm not sure what you need or what has happened in the last month to make you hold onto weight like a mofo but you have.  I'm writing to you because I need to stress the importance of one thing: I will NOT fight against you in this journey.  WE will work TOGETHER as a team to figure out what WE need to be successful.

In the past, you are well aware that I'd get mad as hell at you and proceed to eat whatever I wanted, out of anger.  "I'll show you!  See how the scale likes that?!?" I'd fume.  No more.  I am amazed that you've still stuck with me when I've been in those mind sets so I need to say "Thank you" over and over again for not leaving my ungrateful ass in the dust.

So in kindness, we will figure this out.  I spent at least 3 weeks of February on antibiotics, traveling, and then re-couping.  I managed to miss a few workouts and then pick them back up to get them in.  I logged some of the longest hours at work in a 2 week period than I have in a long time.  I monkeyed with carbs, figured out that I do well with starchy carbs some time after workouts but not before because it gives me a case of the sleepies.  Earlier this week, with the help of my mentor, I figured out that feeding you only twice a day was a dumb thing to do.  So if you're freaked b/c I've been feeding you more, I get it.  Turns out that if you don't eat until you're hungry and it ends up only being twice a day, there may be some cues you're missing.  I think I was missing them and for that I'm sorry.

So when I got on the scale this morning and saw that our weight was up, I was a sad panda.  But I also allowed us grace.  Regardless of whether or not I do Lean Eating again next year, or never again, I will not disrespect or abuse you because I'm still figuring this out.  I think about the sheer amount of bullshit I've put us through with diets, disorders, recovery programs, meds, and I marvel at how resilient we are.  I marvel at how truly miraculous it is that we are at this point now.  We are stronger than we've ever been; we are becoming smaller but we are most mighty.

I won't give up on us;  We will figure this out because we are brilliant, strong, and in it together,
Always,
Wendy